Living with AAPD (Anxious-avoidant-personality-disorder)

I can remember the day that my Psychiatrist first diagnosed me with “AAPD” (Anxious-avoidance-personality-disorder) It felt like an epiphany, `the penny had finally dropped,’ a great realization of the truth behind my psychological issues that had plagued me throughout most of my adult life.

For many years I struggled to understand what was wrong with me, I could never quite put my finger on. everything just fell into place once my psychiatrist explained things in more detail for me to understand. Since then, I have learnt to fully understand my diagnosis and how it plays a part in my life. `Living with “It” is a different story.’

I’m going to try and explain how it is for me living with this condition. Please also remember that not everyone will experience the same symptoms as me. Or experience them in the same way.

First of all, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) is the “feeling of extreme social inhibitions, inadequacy and sensitivity of negative criticism and rejection. “That means we will often avoid work, school or any social situation. Avoidant people constantly isolate themselves for fear of criticism or rejection.


AvPD feels like being unwelcome in social situations, not being able to fit in or to be a part of something. We feel like we don’t belong in the group or the situation.

AvPD is not being able to leave your comfort zone because of fear and anxiety. We want to leave so badly; we just can’t. We have a strong desire for close relationships, but our shyness and anxiety is too strong.


AvPD is avoiding physical contact because we associate it with something unpleasant or painful. We hate being touched by strangers or people we don’t trust enough. It’s something that makes us uncomfortable, especially if it’s without our permission or totally unnecessary. A simple handshake or hug can become too much.

AvPD is self loathing, because of our low self-esteem and high self-consciousness. It’s the feeling of being unimportant and inferior to others, or the feeling of never being good enough, no matter how much we try. And we start hating ourselves because everything seems to be our fault.


AvPD is being your own worst critic to the point your self-perception tells you no one cares or likes you. It makes you hate yourself more every time you can’t socialize the way you want.

AvPD is distancing yourself emotionally from other people because of trust issues, and the feelings of getting betrayed from other people because of trust issues, and the feelings of getting betrayed or embarrassed at any moment. We often just can’t talk about ourselves and our problems because we feel like no one wants to know and understand us.








Mental health “Stigma Stinks!”

For as long as I can possibly remember, I’ve always been a thinker, a worrier and the most humdrum of tasks often strike me down in a stomach churning pit of nerves. `Relentlessly and constant throughout my entire life.’

For me personally,’ I first became a victim of “Stigma” at the tender and impressionable age of 10 years old. My first encounter with “Stigma” came from a group of boy’s and girls during my time at Northgate infants school, Nottingham. (1973). Children would taunt and call me wicked names, kick, punch and spit at me. The devastating reason behind all this STIGMA! Stemmed from the shocking news that my narcissistic Father was in fact a “convicted Paedophile.”

In my personal opinion. Children should be taught from an early age about all aspects and different forms of social stigma in our society today. `After all… It’s the playground where it all starts!’ The Stigma then spills out into our society as early as infancy. Early intervention is PARAMOUNT!!

People with mental health problems say that the social “stigma attached to mental ill health and the discrimination they experience can make their difficulties worse and make it harder to recover.

Nearly nine out of ten people with mental health problems say that stigma and discrimination have a negative effect on their lives.

“Mental illness “stigma!” Has affected my life in many different ways.”

A mental illness is just one characteristic of what makes a person who they are. Unfortunately, many people get caught up in labelling themselves which limits their ability to think of themselves as anything more than their diagnosis.

People who suffer from mental illness, including depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, face a litany of challenges: dark moods, an inability to enjoy life’s pleasures, powerful prescription medication, isolation, and “Social Stigma” Making things worse, many also experience the pain of self-stigma, an under-reported condition in which the patient internalizes social myths and prejudices about mental illness. Experts say self-stigma can impede a depressed or mentally ill persons ability to recover.







Living alone and contending with “Mental health issues”, is it the new trend?

Pro’s & Cons to living alone.

It’s no joke, one of the most unprecedented trends of modern society is the number of people who choose to live alone.

Today, more women in their 50s are living alone than ever before, and according to the Office of National Statistics, solo living is more common among older women than men. Far from being a negative experience though, living alone in later life can be incredibly enriching and liberating – and can even be beneficial to your health.

Living alone can be associated with independence and positive feelings, but a new study suggests that living without roommates, life-partners could actually increase the risk for developing depression.

The study results showed that people who lived alone bought more antidepressants than people who lived with roommates. Also, a large majority of NHS patients suffering alone with mental health issues rely on aided proscriptions to help with their symptoms.

“For people who are prone to depression, living alone can definitely be a contributing factor in developing depression, “The lack of social contact is a primary influence within the limbic system. Humans need human stimulation for a balanced life.”


When you make the first move to opening up about you’re loneliness and mental health issues, you will find that there’s so many other people out there who are feeling the same as you.

“There is nothing wrong with receiving help. It’s okay to not be okay and to say so. You’re not alone.”

While psychology research has previously shown that elderly people living alone are more at risk for depression and other mental health conditions, a new Finnish study finds that younger working-age adults who live by themselves are 80 percent more likely to develop depression compared with people living in families.

Investigators surveyed 3,471 men and women ages 30 to 65 in 2000 and asked whether they lived alone or with others, as well as other information about their lifestyle like social support, work climate, education, income, employment status, housing condition, smoking habits, alcohol use and physical activity levels.

The findings show that people who lived alone bought 80 percent more anti-depressants during the seven-year follow-up period ,and that a quarter of participants living alone filled an antidepressant prescription during the study period, compared to just 16 percent of those who lived with others like spouses, family or roommates.
Researchers suggest that the link between living alone and depression could be explained by several types of psychosocial and material disadvantages of single people.

Benefits of living alone

1. You can walk around in the nude without feeling self-conscious
It’s your space and you have it all to yourself! If you want to leave your clothes on the floor while your prance around doing your daily chores in your own home, well, that is your right!


2. You can drink straight out of the bottle
Why dirty up a glass when the only person drinking out of the milk container is you? The same goes for juice… right?


3. You can clean at your leisure
You aren’t affecting anyone else by having your mess spread across your own home. If you’re too busy or too tired to clean up on any given day, there’s no guilt in putting it off until your ready. There’s no pressure on you, or anyone breathing down your neck, to clean up your dishes from last night’s meal.

4. You have plenty of personal space and time for self-discovery. You can and will learn so much about yourself during time spent on your own. It may be a difficult adjustment at first, especially if you are accustomed to living co-dependently, but the skills you will learn will be more than worth it. You will learn how to handle personal and emotional situations with only yourself to work through it, seeing as you won’t have anyone else’s opinions infiltrating your thoughts.

5. You don’t have to worry about someone else finishing the last roll of toilet paper
… Or the soap, or the dish detergent, or basically any other communal product housemates tend to share.


6. You can do whatever the hell you want
In choosing to live alone, you can basically behave any way you want without consulting another person. If you want to have five friends from out of town stay with you for a weekend, there’s no one to stop you. You aren’t encroaching on anyone else’s space, seeing as the entire home is yours.

7. Have a luxurious bed all to yourself. You can fidget all night and still keep the quilt all to yourself.


Just some of the many perks to living alone.