I can remember the day that my Psychiatrist first diagnosed me with “AAPD” (Anxious-avoidance-personality-disorder) It felt like an epiphany, `the penny had finally dropped,’ a great realization of the truth behind my psychological issues that had plagued me throughout most of my adult life.
For many years I struggled to understand what was wrong with me, I could never quite put my finger on. everything just fell into place once my psychiatrist explained things in more detail for me to understand. Since then, I have learnt to fully understand my diagnosis and how it plays a part in my life. `Living with “It” is a different story.’
I’m going to try and explain how it is for me living with this condition. Please also remember that not everyone will experience the same symptoms as me. Or experience them in the same way.
First of all, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) is the “feeling of extreme social inhibitions, inadequacy and sensitivity of negative criticism and rejection. “That means we will often avoid work, school or any social situation. Avoidant people constantly isolate themselves for fear of criticism or rejection.
AvPD feels like being unwelcome in social situations, not being able to fit in or to be a part of something. We feel like we don’t belong in the group or the situation.
AvPD is not being able to leave your comfort zone because of fear and anxiety. We want to leave so badly; we just can’t. We have a strong desire for close relationships, but our shyness and anxiety is too strong.
AvPD is avoiding physical contact because we associate it with something unpleasant or painful. We hate being touched by strangers or people we don’t trust enough. It’s something that makes us uncomfortable, especially if it’s without our permission or totally unnecessary. A simple handshake or hug can become too much.
AvPD is self loathing, because of our low self-esteem and high self-consciousness. It’s the feeling of being unimportant and inferior to others, or the feeling of never being good enough, no matter how much we try. And we start hating ourselves because everything seems to be our fault.
AvPD is being your own worst critic to the point your self-perception tells you no one cares or likes you. It makes you hate yourself more every time you can’t socialize the way you want.
AvPD is distancing yourself emotionally from other people because of trust issues, and the feelings of getting betrayed from other people because of trust issues, and the feelings of getting betrayed or embarrassed at any moment. We often just can’t talk about ourselves and our problems because we feel like no one wants to know and understand us.