How I cope with “anxious avoidant personality disorder” (AAPD) and other mental health issues.


Hello there, I wish you a warm welcome.

Talking about personal issues is never going to be an easy choice to make. We’ve all got our own personal stories to tell, whether that be good or bad. Some people have gone through devastating experiences in their lives and have experienced things that never leave your mind, things that leave a forever stain on your mind and soul, making it extremely difficult to lead a fulfilling lifestyle.

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“Unfortunately for some, we have no choice but to stand alone and search for what makes us feel happy and content.”

My own personal story is amply scattered around my blog. If you’ve not had chance to look just yet? Let me just give you a brief out-line.

I was born in Nottingham in 1963. Both parents were unemployed living on the bread-line. My Father was a registered paedophile and my Mother was of uncaring nature. Neither parent had the ability to care for a child.

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As time goes by, Father was later further convicted of CSA and was sentenced to three years in HMP, which consequently lead to parents separation. Father was then released from prison on parole, within two years of his three year sentence for good behaviour.

On Father’s release, he and Mother both agreed between themselves that I should go and live with father in his new house. Mother then went off the scene for several years to lead a new life with her new fellah and later conceived for her third child.

During my time with my Father, I was raped in my own bed by his friend who he met during his time in HMP. I was subject to systematic sexual abuse and constant physical and mental abuse from my Father.

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For a more in-depth insight please go here   Nottingham boy raped in his own bed. to listen to me speak to the world, bearing my heart and soul in hope of spreading hope and inspiration to all other victims and survivors of CSA, past, presently and for the future. More men need to come forward to help broaden the share scale and the tip of the iceberg regarding their own personal abuse.

Ultimately I was removed from my Father’s care. My prolific absconding from home and truancy from school, due to my abuse and the awful “stigma,” now attached to me, that was linked to my narcissistic father’s disturbing past.

I was then placed in care by the local authorities until my 18th birthday. They put me in Beechwood children’s home, Nottingham. I was further subjected to more CSA and vile,  soul crushing “STIGMA.” Beechwood children’s home as now become part of the largest criminal inquiry in UK history into historical CSA whilst in care of the local authorities and previously in the family home.”

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You can go here to view “hell on earth”> Beechwood Children’s home for the full shocking story to date.

For many years I’ve not only been the victim of Stigma, but I’ve also witnessed other sufferers with mental health issues like myself, having to endure the same nasty and soul crushing STIGMA! Which drastically leads to sufferers living an isolated life and completely disconnected from society. “Dissociation with the outside world is a very lonely place to be.”

The plight of all victims and survivors of abuse will all experience the same fundamental issues and important elements needed to survive in modern day society. Those important elements I’ve narrowed them down for you, so to give a broader understanding in a nut shell the best I can, on how these elements effect yours and my life on a day to day basis.

  • Personally

  • Socially

  • Professionally

So, there you have it. All three of these play a huge part in all our life’s, to be able to function with everybody else in this crazy world we live in. firstly, the devastation eats away at your ability to be honest and open with your personal life, so, personally you’ve been effected, in theory; I’m no expert, I can only go by my own personal plight as a survivor of abuse.

Secondly, the devastation then eats away at your ability to socialise with other people in society, including close family and friends, we isolate ourselves to keep safe. And finally, the devastation will also eat away at your ability to be professional, hindering you from fulfilling any dreams and aspirations.

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How I cope with “anxious avoidant personality disorder” (AAPD) and other mental health issues.

Due to my mental health diagnosisses, my moods and unpredictable behaviour, it was decided in the best interest of our children, that I leave the family home to go live alone. It was deemed no longer a healthy environment. Up to three years ago I’d never lived alone before, until now.

“Living alone has helped me to reflect without any unintentional interruptions.”

during the last three years I’ve pushed myself really hard to do things that I was once enjoyed doing. From an early age I enjoyed taking part with arts & crafts, music, cars and animals.

My present daily routine consists of; Firstly, once I’ve woken, I’ll feed my adorable Bombay cat’s`Ozzy & Molly’ before I do anything else. They make me feel happy to see them eat. I was under nourished and suffered with malnutrition in childhood, so I guess it’s important for me that they never go hungry or thirsty like I had to.

Ozzy Molly

How I cope on a day to day basis depends, some days are better than other’s. Mainly I concentrate on what I’m good at and what I enjoy doing. I especially enjoy listening to my favourite music whilst doing arts and crafts. I’ve got a wide range of music that I listen to depending on my mood. I enjoy listening to music with a spiritual atmosphere, eg: Enigma and music alike. I also enjoy listening to rave.

My two cats give me a real good reason to get up of a day. They give me routine and keep me busy. The therapy I get from them is wonderful, they make me feel very happy and needed. I have many laughs with them, I enjoy to mess and torment them,`in a nice way obviously.’ Between us there’s a lot of love and affection, I love them with all my heart.

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So Girls n Guys, there you have it. My artwork and the cat’s help to keep me sane, with my writing too. Music is a brilliant way to settle your soul and moods. So long as you take good care of yourself, eat sensibly, keep warm, be yourself at all times and always be kind to other’s, especially pets. Oh yeah, always pay your bills on time too, it helps to get a good night sleep.

I also like to do digital prints of meaningful quotes on life. Here you will see just a few of my designs that I’ve done to keep me busy, “That’s the Key” KEEP BUSY.. I also like to write as often as possible.

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You can always take a look at my extensive digital prints on my eBay store. You will see further designs relating to Wicca Pagan Witchcraft as well as the above copyright designs. check out my eBay store for more delightful designs here.

You can also view and purchase my true life story “Little boy Wonder” by visiting my Amazon author page. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.

Paul D Waine Senior. AKA (Little Boy Wonder)

“The Stigma and discrimination attached to CSA and mental health issues STINK!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living with AAPD (Anxious-avoidant-personality-disorder)


I can remember the day that my Psychiatrist first diagnosed me with “AAPD” (Anxious-avoidance-personality-disorder) It felt like an epiphany, `the penny had finally dropped,’ a great realization of the truth behind my psychological issues that had plagued me throughout most of my adult life.

For many years I struggled to understand what was wrong with me, I could never quite put my finger on. everything just fell into place once my psychiatrist explained things in more detail for me to understand. Since then, I have learnt to fully understand my diagnosis and how it plays a part in my life. `Living with “It” is a different story.’

I’m going to try and explain how it is for me living with this condition. Please also remember that not everyone will experience the same symptoms as me. Or experience them in the same way.

First of all, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) is the “feeling of extreme social inhibitions, inadequacy and sensitivity of negative criticism and rejection. “That means we will often avoid work, school or any social situation. Avoidant people constantly isolate themselves for fear of criticism or rejection.

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AvPD feels like being unwelcome in social situations, not being able to fit in or to be a part of something. We feel like we don’t belong in the group or the situation.

AvPD is not being able to leave your comfort zone because of fear and anxiety. We want to leave so badly; we just can’t. We have a strong desire for close relationships, but our shyness and anxiety is too strong.

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AvPD is avoiding physical contact because we associate it with something unpleasant or painful. We hate being touched by strangers or people we don’t trust enough. It’s something that makes us uncomfortable, especially if it’s without our permission or totally unnecessary. A simple handshake or hug can become too much.

AvPD is self loathing, because of our low self-esteem and high self-consciousness. It’s the feeling of being unimportant and inferior to others, or the feeling of never being good enough, no matter how much we try. And we start hating ourselves because everything seems to be our fault.

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AvPD is being your own worst critic to the point your self-perception tells you no one cares or likes you. It makes you hate yourself more every time you can’t socialize the way you want.

AvPD is distancing yourself emotionally from other people because of trust issues, and the feelings of getting betrayed from other people because of trust issues, and the feelings of getting betrayed or embarrassed at any moment. We often just can’t talk about ourselves and our problems because we feel like no one wants to know and understand us.

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Should the UK legalise “Cannabis?” `Make your vote count today! And sign the petition?’


If you would like to see Cannabis decriminalised in the UK? Please sign the petition and make your vote count today! Present UK laws will just stay the same until enough people come forward and make their voice’s heard. Let’s try at least to put the drug gangs and back street dealers out of business! Enough is enough…

Be counted and please sign here.

They’ve made enough money out of us. I wonder how many back street dealers have got a nice 50″ TV? How many get to go away on a nice holiday once or even twice a year? Let’s not forget the flashy car’s they come in to drop it off.  The list goes on, `believe me.’ Your money is providing back-street dealers with a luxurious life style, illegally, while you’re worrying about where your going to get your next £20 bag from, their counting your hard earned cash planning what to spend it on.

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I can bet my bottom dollar that when you deliver your next text message to see if there’s anything available? The dealer on the other end instantly thinks to themselves, yep…that’s another X-amount gone. More money in the pockets for them to continue leaving a life of Riley. `Aren’t you P*SS*D OFF!?’ And fed up of lining the pockets of these people who make out to be your best friend? `I know I am.’ Hence this petition.

If the government sold marijuana itself it could control the strength of the drug – taking production out of the hands of these type of organised criminal gangs and reducing the health risks.

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A number of countries have decriminalised cannabis for personal use. None of them have descended into anarchy, so what’s preventing the UK government from following suit? The Conservative government claims to be in favour of evidence-based policies – in rhetoric, at least. Yet, successive UK governments have signed up to the United Nations international drug convention, a convention based on prohibition and the ‘war on drugs’, neither of which have any evidence of working.

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In last year’s `Global drug survey’ of the 7,000 participants, 48 per cent reported using cannabis in the last 12 months, and 90 per cent said they had drank alcohol. This means more than half of participants like to have a drink and a smoke. However, the study didn’t tell us how much of our hard-earned cash we spend on either liquor or weed, so here we go.

`Drug-Scope’ found the most common type of cannabis used in England and Wales is skunk, as opposed to hash (resin), which has seen a sharp decline in use since many people started growing their own weed in 2005. In their research, the charity found the average price of a quarter-ounce (7g) of UK skunk is £50. The charity can also help us out with narrowing down how much people smoke.

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Researchers found ‘regular users might consume one-eighth of an ounce a week; while heavy and regular cannabis users might use that amount in a day’. So that’s between 3.5g (£25) and 24.5g (£175) per week, depending on whether said smoker is a light or heavy user. This means a light smoker could spend as much as £1,300 a year on their habit, and a heavy smoker could rack up a tab of £9,100. Yes, you read that correctly. So, that’s weed for you. Your hard earned cash providing the dealers with more options to make more and more cash out of you.

“Marijuana is quite possibly the finest of intoxicants. It has been scientifically proven, for decades, to be much less harmful to the body than alcohol when used on a regular basis.” “By regulating marijuana, we can put black market drug dealers out of business and eliminate the rebellious allure that attracts young people.”

It makes me think of a famous quote by the great man himself, the king of (Reggae) “MR Bob Marley,” “Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.Marijuana saved my life. I have no doubts about that and you don’t need to show me any data to prove otherwise.

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​`​As far as I’m concerned,’ everyone’s got their own form of relaxation, Some folk get home from a hard days work and chillout in the evening with a nice glass of wine or beer perhaps? I prefer a nice hot cuppa tea with a “Biffta.” so… there’s no shame in admitting you like a joint or two. `It doesn’t make you a bad person for smoking it,’ and things can’t be that bad if the Police federation are in favour of decriminalizing.

 

So my fellow followers, please be sure to “Like & Share” at the bottom of this page if you agree with any of the above material? A massive and warm thank you.

Here’s few facts for you to ponder on.

Cannabis has been used since 6000 BCE.
Cannabis appears in the Athavar veda and the Zend-Avesta, two ancient holy texts of Hinduism and Zoroastrianism, respectively.
In the early 12th century, cannabis use becomes widespread among the Middle Eastern cultures.
Cannabis does not cause brain damage.
Cannabis has shown signs of being useful in fighting Alzheimer’s disease.
Cannabis is a non-addictive drug. There are no physical addiction symptoms that can come with the use of cannabis.
Consumed cannabis in food products must be bonded with an oil in order to be active.
Legalizing cannabis actually makes areas of the world safer.
Even long term, heavy cannabis use has not shown to have any significant permanent detrimental effects on the body.
George Washington grew cannabis.
If you would like to check the facts for yourselves? Then please Go here

For the full facts and information in more detail please Go here

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Many thanks for taking the time to read this post.

Paul D Waine Senior.

 

 

Mental health “Stigma Stinks!”


For as long as I can possibly remember, I’ve always been a thinker, a worrier and the most humdrum of tasks often strike me down in a stomach churning pit of nerves. `Relentlessly and constant throughout my entire life.’

For me personally,’ I first became a victim of “Stigma” at the tender and impressionable age of 10 years old. My first encounter with “Stigma” came from a group of boy’s and girls during my time at Northgate infants school, Nottingham. (1973). Children would taunt and call me wicked names, kick, punch and spit at me. The devastating reason behind all this STIGMA! Stemmed from the shocking news that my narcissistic Father was in fact a “convicted Paedophile.”

In my personal opinion. Children should be taught from an early age about all aspects and different forms of social stigma in our society today. `After all… It’s the playground where it all starts!’ The Stigma then spills out into our society as early as infancy. Early intervention is PARAMOUNT!!

People with mental health problems say that the social “stigma attached to mental ill health and the discrimination they experience can make their difficulties worse and make it harder to recover.

Nearly nine out of ten people with mental health problems say that stigma and discrimination have a negative effect on their lives.

“Mental illness “stigma!” Has affected my life in many different ways.”

A mental illness is just one characteristic of what makes a person who they are. Unfortunately, many people get caught up in labelling themselves which limits their ability to think of themselves as anything more than their diagnosis.

People who suffer from mental illness, including depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, face a litany of challenges: dark moods, an inability to enjoy life’s pleasures, powerful prescription medication, isolation, and “Social Stigma” Making things worse, many also experience the pain of self-stigma, an under-reported condition in which the patient internalizes social myths and prejudices about mental illness. Experts say self-stigma can impede a depressed or mentally ill persons ability to recover.

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Living alone and contending with “Mental health issues”, is it the new trend?


Pro’s & Cons to living alone.

It’s no joke, one of the most unprecedented trends of modern society is the number of people who choose to live alone.

Today, more women in their 50s are living alone than ever before, and according to the Office of National Statistics, solo living is more common among older women than men. Far from being a negative experience though, living alone in later life can be incredibly enriching and liberating – and can even be beneficial to your health.

Living alone can be associated with independence and positive feelings, but a new study suggests that living without roommates, life-partners could actually increase the risk for developing depression.

The study results showed that people who lived alone bought more antidepressants than people who lived with roommates. Also, a large majority of NHS patients suffering alone with mental health issues rely on aided proscriptions to help with their symptoms.

“For people who are prone to depression, living alone can definitely be a contributing factor in developing depression, “The lack of social contact is a primary influence within the limbic system. Humans need human stimulation for a balanced life.”

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When you make the first move to opening up about you’re loneliness and mental health issues, you will find that there’s so many other people out there who are feeling the same as you.

“There is nothing wrong with receiving help. It’s okay to not be okay and to say so. You’re not alone.”

While psychology research has previously shown that elderly people living alone are more at risk for depression and other mental health conditions, a new Finnish study finds that younger working-age adults who live by themselves are 80 percent more likely to develop depression compared with people living in families.

Investigators surveyed 3,471 men and women ages 30 to 65 in 2000 and asked whether they lived alone or with others, as well as other information about their lifestyle like social support, work climate, education, income, employment status, housing condition, smoking habits, alcohol use and physical activity levels.

The findings show that people who lived alone bought 80 percent more anti-depressants during the seven-year follow-up period ,and that a quarter of participants living alone filled an antidepressant prescription during the study period, compared to just 16 percent of those who lived with others like spouses, family or roommates.
Researchers suggest that the link between living alone and depression could be explained by several types of psychosocial and material disadvantages of single people.

Benefits of living alone

1. You can walk around in the nude without feeling self-conscious
It’s your space and you have it all to yourself! If you want to leave your clothes on the floor while your prance around doing your daily chores in your own home, well, that is your right!

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2. You can drink straight out of the bottle
Why dirty up a glass when the only person drinking out of the milk container is you? The same goes for juice… right?

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3. You can clean at your leisure
You aren’t affecting anyone else by having your mess spread across your own home. If you’re too busy or too tired to clean up on any given day, there’s no guilt in putting it off until your ready. There’s no pressure on you, or anyone breathing down your neck, to clean up your dishes from last night’s meal.

4. You have plenty of personal space and time for self-discovery. You can and will learn so much about yourself during time spent on your own. It may be a difficult adjustment at first, especially if you are accustomed to living co-dependently, but the skills you will learn will be more than worth it. You will learn how to handle personal and emotional situations with only yourself to work through it, seeing as you won’t have anyone else’s opinions infiltrating your thoughts.

5. You don’t have to worry about someone else finishing the last roll of toilet paper
… Or the soap, or the dish detergent, or basically any other communal product housemates tend to share.

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6. You can do whatever the hell you want
In choosing to live alone, you can basically behave any way you want without consulting another person. If you want to have five friends from out of town stay with you for a weekend, there’s no one to stop you. You aren’t encroaching on anyone else’s space, seeing as the entire home is yours.

7. Have a luxurious bed all to yourself. You can fidget all night and still keep the quilt all to yourself.

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Just some of the many perks to living alone.