How I cope with “anxious avoidant personality disorder” (AAPD) and other mental health issues.

Hello there, I wish you a warm welcome.

Talking about personal issues is never going to be an easy choice to make. We’ve all got our own personal stories to tell, whether that be good or bad. Some people have gone through devastating experiences in their lives and have experienced things that never leave your mind, things that leave a forever stain on your mind and soul, making it extremely difficult to lead a fulfilling lifestyle.

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“Unfortunately for some, we have no choice but to stand alone and search for what makes us feel happy and content.”

My own personal story is amply scattered around my blog. If you’ve not had chance to look just yet? Let me just give you a brief out-line.

I was born in Nottingham in 1963. Both parents were unemployed living on the bread-line. My Father was a registered paedophile and my Mother was of uncaring nature. Neither parent had the ability to care for a child.

Bad-Parents-Broken-Kids

As time goes by, Father was later further convicted of CSA and was sentenced to three years in HMP, which consequently lead to parents separation. Father was then released from prison on parole, within two years of his three year sentence for good behaviour.

On Father’s release, he and Mother both agreed between themselves that I should go and live with father in his new house. Mother then went off the scene for several years to lead a new life with her new fellah and later conceived for her third child.

During my time with my Father, I was raped in my own bed by his friend who he met during his time in HMP. I was subject to systematic sexual abuse and constant physical and mental abuse from my Father.

Myself@home

For a more in-depth insight please go here   Nottingham boy raped in his own bed. to listen to me speak to the world, bearing my heart and soul in hope of spreading hope and inspiration to all other victims and survivors of CSA, past, presently and for the future. More men need to come forward to help broaden the share scale and the tip of the iceberg regarding their own personal abuse.

Ultimately I was removed from my Father’s care. My prolific absconding from home and truancy from school, due to my abuse and the awful “stigma,” now attached to me, that was linked to my narcissistic father’s disturbing past.

I was then placed in care by the local authorities until my 18th birthday. They put me in Beechwood children’s home, Nottingham. I was further subjected to more CSA and vile,  soul crushing “STIGMA.” Beechwood children’s home as now become part of the largest criminal inquiry in UK history into historical CSA whilst in care of the local authorities and previously in the family home.”

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You can go here to view “hell on earth”> Beechwood Children’s home for the full shocking story to date.

For many years I’ve not only been the victim of Stigma, but I’ve also witnessed other sufferers with mental health issues like myself, having to endure the same nasty and soul crushing STIGMA! Which drastically leads to sufferers living an isolated life and completely disconnected from society. “Dissociation with the outside world is a very lonely place to be.”

The plight of all victims and survivors of abuse will all experience the same fundamental issues and important elements needed to survive in modern day society. Those important elements I’ve narrowed them down for you, so to give a broader understanding in a nut shell the best I can, on how these elements effect yours and my life on a day to day basis.

  • Personally

  • Socially

  • Professionally

So, there you have it. All three of these play a huge part in all our life’s, to be able to function with everybody else in this crazy world we live in. firstly, the devastation eats away at your ability to be honest and open with your personal life, so, personally you’ve been effected, in theory; I’m no expert, I can only go by my own personal plight as a survivor of abuse.

Secondly, the devastation then eats away at your ability to socialise with other people in society, including close family and friends, we isolate ourselves to keep safe. And finally, the devastation will also eat away at your ability to be professional, hindering you from fulfilling any dreams and aspirations.

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How I cope with “anxious avoidant personality disorder” (AAPD) and other mental health issues.

Due to my mental health diagnosisses, my moods and unpredictable behaviour, it was decided in the best interest of our children, that I leave the family home to go live alone. It was deemed no longer a healthy environment. Up to three years ago I’d never lived alone before, until now.

“Living alone has helped me to reflect without any unintentional interruptions.”

during the last three years I’ve pushed myself really hard to do things that I was once enjoyed doing. From an early age I enjoyed taking part with arts & crafts, music, cars and animals.

My present daily routine consists of; Firstly, once I’ve woken, I’ll feed my adorable Bombay cat’s`Ozzy & Molly’ before I do anything else. They make me feel happy to see them eat. I was under nourished and suffered with malnutrition in childhood, so I guess it’s important for me that they never go hungry or thirsty like I had to.

Ozzy Molly

How I cope on a day to day basis depends, some days are better than other’s. Mainly I concentrate on what I’m good at and what I enjoy doing. I especially enjoy listening to my favourite music whilst doing arts and crafts. I’ve got a wide range of music that I listen to depending on my mood. I enjoy listening to music with a spiritual atmosphere, eg: Enigma and music alike. I also enjoy listening to rave.

My two cats give me a real good reason to get up of a day. They give me routine and keep me busy. The therapy I get from them is wonderful, they make me feel very happy and needed. I have many laughs with them, I enjoy to mess and torment them,`in a nice way obviously.’ Between us there’s a lot of love and affection, I love them with all my heart.

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So Girls n Guys, there you have it. My artwork and the cat’s help to keep me sane, with my writing too. Music is a brilliant way to settle your soul and moods. So long as you take good care of yourself, eat sensibly, keep warm, be yourself at all times and always be kind to other’s, especially pets. Oh yeah, always pay your bills on time too, it helps to get a good night sleep.

I also like to do digital prints of meaningful quotes on life. Here you will see just a few of my designs that I’ve done to keep me busy, “That’s the Key” KEEP BUSY.. I also like to write as often as possible.

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Wheeloflife1 - Copy

BuddhaReincarnation1

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NorthernSoul1Print

GuardianAngelPrint 1
BabyBoyPrint1
blackkarmabuddha

greenman1

BLACKKARMACOPY

You can always take a look at my extensive digital prints on my eBay store. You will see further designs relating to Wicca Pagan Witchcraft as well as the above copyright designs. check out my eBay store for more delightful designs here.

You can also view and purchase my true life story “Little boy Wonder” by visiting my Amazon author page. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.

Paul D Waine Senior. AKA (Little Boy Wonder)

“The Stigma and discrimination attached to CSA and mental health issues STINK!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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